Something about those Yellow Monarchs...

Yesterday evening after returning from work, Kari was watching Colton play on the grass in the frontyard (and eating dirt) while I was pruning the rose bushes in the courtyard. After throwing the dead stuff away we were just standing there talking when a big Yellow Monarch Butterfly flew down and landed right in front of Kari and I on one of my flower bushes. We both looked at each other and smiled. I reached down to try to pick it up and it acted as though it wasn't afraid of me at all. As I tried to pick it up it jumped off the bush and flew around both of us before going over by Colton and fluttering around him for a second. It caught his attention and he just got a huge smile across his face.

I told him Mommy says hi and he went back to eating dirt. The butterfly came back towards us and landed again right in front of us on another bush. I again tried to reach down to pick it up and it did the exact same thing again before this time flying over towards the other side of my front yard. After circling Kari and I twice, I assumed that was a good confirmation that Michelle must approve of the two of us together. I looked over at Kari and told her "I think Michelle likes you!"

I don't want people to think that I believe for one second that Michelle was reincarnated as a yellow butterfly but I do believe 100% that when someone passes and they go to the "right" place that they likely have certain influence to put certain things in certain places at certain times to remind their loved ones that they are still with them. There have been too many instances since she has passed with Yellow Monarch butterflys to ignore them. It's happened to many members of our family since she passed, unexplainable "coincidences" that give me every reason to believe that she everywhere around us, watching over us constantly. It makes it easier to deal with the pain of her passing to know that she is allowed to pay us a visit from time to time.

Announcement! Drumroll..........

Okay, here it is. After playing with everyone about what's going on, and with family already starting to spread the word, you know who you are, I wanted people to find out from me. Many people on facebook have been asking about August 14 and what is going on that day...
I mentioned Kari in my last post to the blog, well after confirmation and support from all the people that need to be involved in the decision making process, we have decided to get married August 14. TAKE A DEEP BREATH!!!!!
Okay, better now? Yes it's soon, yes I'm crazy but I know it's the right thing to do. The plan is to have a small private ceremony in her parents backyard with only immediate family (including Michelle's family) as guests. We will have an open house a couple weeks later so all others who would like to can come by.
I am very excited, she is very excited, we have been watching the Brady Bunch a lot to learn how to make it all work and are actively searching for a good "Alice" so if anyone knows a loud housekeeper with a beehive, please let me know. We will be living in my house for as long as necessary. We still need to sell her house in South Jordan so get the word out. We are going to look at homes in between Herriman and South Jordan when we are ready to move. Not sure when that will be but I have a feeling we will be busting at the seams shortly at my place.
I am so grateful that so soon after Michelle passing that I found someone that makes me so happy. I love Kari so much and am so excited to spend the rest of my life with her. We are going to pursue getting sealed when the circumstances allow it, hopefully no more than one year. I know Michelle approves because she couldn't have set it up more perfectly. She SHOVED Kari right at me, there is no doubt in my mind that they will be the best of friends through the eternities.
So there it is, the speculation and office pools can end, August 14 it is and I could not be more excited.

What's going on in our world..

Other than the fact that I am convinced that I control weather patterns based on my car cleaning habits, not a whole lot has been going on. Brooklyn has been participating in cheer camp on Monday's at the Lehi Legacy center and Wyatt is busy being Wyatt and playing with his buddies every chance he gets. Colton has been learning to walk faster and more effectively get into anything and everything that he possibly can. Chances are that he will be getting tubes in his ears soon as he seems to have a problem with ear infections that we are trying to get figured out.
What am I up to you wonder? After persuasion from a couple of co-workers, I opened an account with eharmony. I didn't know initially whether I was ready to date anyone or not, but I flipped through a few profiles just to see if there was really anyone out there that was looking for a widower with three young children. Apparantly, there is at least one. I took a chance and sent a young lady a "wink" or "nudge" or whatever term they call it when you are trying to get someone's attention via the internet. (When did this happen? When did people stop meeting each other in stores, church, work?? What happened to the world?) So anyway, she replied with her own version of a wink. We emailed back and forth for a couple of days to try to get a feel for each other's personalities. She took me off guard and asked if i wanted to go hit a bucket of golf balls that Friday. So, just to paint a picture, pretty blonde girl with a beautiful smile, funny, and WANTS to go golfing, in my book that's 3 for three. So Thursday rolled around, the day before we were supposed to go out, Colton had an ear infection so I picked him up from Grandma's to take him to the Dr. After the Dr. visit, I was pulling into my neighborhood when something special happened. I can't quite put it into words, I looked toward the sky and I swear I was looking straight into heaven. Michelle may as well have been sitting right there next to me. I was overcome unlike I have been since shortly after she passed. The whole week I was wondering if I was ready to get back out there and start seeing people again and she gave me a definitive answer. I KNOW she wants me to be happy. I KNOW she wants me to find someone to help me raise our kids and be an example to my kids and to me.
So it's been almost two weeks and things could not be going better. Her name is Kari. She was married prior for ten years and was divorced nearly two years ago by no fault of her own. She has three beautiful kids that I care deeply about, a 9 year old son and 6 and 3 year old daughters. Go ahead, make the Brady Bunch jokes, I've been hearing them all week! Our kids get along very well and her scenario with her ex is very cordial which is important to me. She makes me laugh, I enjoy being with her, I don't like it when we are apart and I love the fact that she has the same goals and aspirations that I do. She's beautiful and so far I am crazy about her.
I know and I am expecting to get some flak for it being too soon and those that I have talked to about it have been more supportive than I could possibly have expected, especially Michelle's parents. I cannot even begin to say how grateful I am for her family and all their love and support that they not only showed Michelle but me for the last 9+ years. Please know that I would not be doing this if I wasn't ready and if I knew Michelle wasn't all for it. My biggest fear is bringing her to church for the first time and watching everyone's heads turn and knowing that the whispers are about me but I think I'm ready to deal with it. If anyone else thinks they know me better and think they have a better idea of what I need, please keep it to yourself or approach me with your concerns and I will hear you out but please don't put yourself in my situation if you haven't been there. I only say this because of the society we live in, people can't help it.
Thank you to everyone for all that you have done for my family.

Make the blog more manly..

I had no choice, I had to do it. The floral pattern just wasn't working for me anymore. Thank you Brittany for all your help! Maybe in 12 more years I'll give you a call to help walk me through it again!
So life hasn't slowed down since the last post. I'm pretty much back to work full time and life is going full speed. Brooklyn is at cheer camp on Monday afternoons, Wyatt is the wildest and funniest four year old boy in the world, and Colton finally said screw crawling and started walking all over the place. We are all doing fantastic. Not to say that the last few weeks haven't been very tough on everybody but we accept the fact of what happened and we are all doing our best to move forward. There are times when I have felt guilty for doing as well as I am doing but than I have read a couple of books recently that have reassured me that it is okay to be happy and to move forward. Russell M. Nelson and Paul H. Dunn (RIP) have a way of putting things into perspective and helping answer questions about the reality of the situation.
I am loving the fact that I apparantly slept through June-September and woke up somewhere in the middle of October. What is up with the weather?!?!?!? I think we are in our 5th or 6th straight day of rain and 6/7 of the next few days are rainy. I could bring the sun back out by simply selling my motorcycle but I'm not ready to do that just yet. Any thoughts anyone? Motorcycle vs 4 wheeler? Your input may just be what pushes to towards holding on or selling.
I am so grateful for my family, friends and work associates at this time as well. Everyone has been so supportive of every decision I have made since Michelle's passing. I'm doing my best, everyday is a challenge but we're doing great! Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes and I swear, I am getting to thank you cards for the donations to the kids and foundation this next week!
PS I am now officially driving the coolest truck in Utah

Back from Vegas, back to real life

I had a nice little three day rereat to Las Vegas for work Wed-Friday. It really was a great deal down there, they sent us down by air, kept us at the New York New York on the strip and really didn't work us too hard at all. We got in fairly early on Wednesday and had some time to kill before having a cocktail party (we drank Coke and Fresca of course) and than we had a dinner with some awards and a speaker before getting turned loose. Thursday was pretty relaxed with meetings until 3:00 and than the whole day off. Thursday night was a blast. We went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory at Caesars befire running to the Belagio to see "O" by Cirque Du Soleil. Absolutely unbelievable. I can't imagine where they find the people to do the stuff that the show requires. If you get a chance, go check it out!! After that, we went out to the Stratosphere to take on the sky rides. Since most of us had done the Big Shot we decided to do two of the other rides. I forget the name of both of them, but holy crap. I wish I would have had a change of pants! Friday was a couple of short meetings and than the flight home. It was nice to wake up to my kids this morning after the days without them.
Today was a great day with the kids. A friend of ours set up for the kids to meet and ride a couple of horses up in Bell Canyon. The family was so sweet, the horses were so gentle and the kids had an amazing experience. One very special experience was shortly after we got there, a huge yellow monarch butterfly came out of nowhere and almost "kissed" Wyatt on the nose before circling Brooklyn's head twice and than taking off. The lady that owner the horses said in fourteen years she had never seen anything like that at her place, we all looked at each other and all of us agreed that it was likely Michelle that was responsible and in her own little way, dropping by to say hello and I love you to the kids. After playing with the animals for a little while, I took the two oldest to Toys R Us with the gift card that my Marine buddy Joey put together with his shop. The kids had a ball picking virtually everything they wanted, Christmas may get cancelled this year!! :)
After being away for a couple of days, coming home to the house again made me reflect back on Michelle most of the day. It is still hard to believe that she is gone. It just doesn't seem real. It's very difficult to deal with. I hate going to bed alone and I hate looking around the room forgetting momentarily that she isn't there anymore. It is so hard but I know she is with us always and that with time it will get easier. I see her in the face of all three of my beautiful kids, I see her in the sunrise and set, I feel her everywhere I go. We all miss her but knowing that we will see her again one day makes it easier. Our nine year anniversary would have been June 1.
I am anxious and aprehensive about the future. I know that I will eventually move on and I pray that all will be supportive of whenever I make the decision to do so. My kids and I have a busy summer ahead. We are trying to manage Dad+3, I feel vastly outnumbered but we are getting it figured out. Broooklyn and Wyatt are tremendous helpers for Daddy in dealing with Colton. As he gets more mobile, he gets more difficult to control.

We say goodbye one last time..

I am really going to do my best to stay on top of this blog because I know that is what Michelle would want me to do. As I go forward, please be patient as the posts may be fewer and less often but I can promise that I will try, blogging for me is a fairly new experience..

Last night and today were very special days as we had the opportunity to say goodbye to Michelle one final time. her viewing was yesterday, May 20 at Wing Mortuary in Lehi. There was a tremendous turnout and miraculously, it ended right on time. We thought for sure that we were going to be there into the late hours of the night. Prior ot the viewing, and I would kill myself if I forgot these details, on Tuesday night, Leon, Lori and I had the chance to dress Michelle in her temple robes and do her hair and make up. None of us were really sure how this was going to go and we were all understandably nervous. When we first arrived at the mortuary, she was laying there, on the cold metal table in her temple dress. It was very difficult to see her lifeless body laying there so vulnerable and helpless. I initially got very emotional and fortunately Lori was there to help me cry on her shoulder and gain my composure. When we all had a few minutes to catch our breath, Quinn from the mortuary helped us get things going. We got her dressed with little discussion and than were able to move onto her makeup and hair. This is where it got exciting..
We aren't sure what happened exactly but the three of us just started talking about some of the memories of Michelle but as we started her makeup, we couldn't help but start laughing as we could only imagine Michelle watching us from on high and just laughing at the effort we were making to try to do her justice. She was always so beautiful and she had such a way of making herself up daily that made her so stunning. I have never done make up anywhere, on anyone, EVER!! But I took the reigns and made it happen. It involved several q-tips, cotton balls and tissues but somehow or another, we did her justice. I later found out that concealer and lipstick are not the same thing even though the manufacturer insists on putting them in identical containers. I did my best, I think she would appreciate it, regardless of how good or bad we feel we did. It gave us an opportunity to laugh and joke about her for a few minutes privately together which the three of us really enjoyed.
Her viewing went very well. Great turnout, many tears and lasting, loving tributes. It was very fiiting for her, being the angel that she was and is to have so many visitors and loved one's there to pay their respects.
This morning was the funeral. I wasn't lloking forward to speaking as up until this morning I had nothing prepared to say. I trusted that she would be right there beside me to guide me and she for sure was. She opened my mind to some great memories as soon as I got up this morning. I immediately upon getting out of the shower grabbed a pen as I didn't want to forget anything that she was whispering in my ear. The funeral was set up very nicely and again we had many visitors come through prior to the service to not only pay Michelle their respects but to also show me their love and support which I greatly appreciated. The hardest part by far since her passing was when we had to close the casket one last time after veiling her face. It was hard to know that I will not see her beautiful face again other than in pictures until we meet in heaven. The service was beautiful. Leon, Jackie and I all did very well and I really feel that she was honored as she should have been. Natalie Griffith and Christine Ivie sang a beautiful rendition of Nearer My God To Thee and Tyler played Ashokan Farewell on the Piano. We did our best to make it light, funny, but at the same time touching and with perspective. She had touched the lives of so many for so long. It was nice to see the turnout, the room was packed. I was honored to be able to speak about the many fun times that we had together and about her little quirks like bunco and her adorable crooked smile forced on her by numerous surgeries. She was loved by so many ad will obviously never be forgotten.
I have greatly appreciated the kind words spoken of her and also the thoughts and well wishes that have been directed to me through all of this. I was married to a truly amazing woman. My kids were blessed with the best mother in the world, and I know her parents could not possibly be prouder of the daughter that they did such a good job bringing up. Thank you to all the attended both physically and in spirit. Thank you to all that donated to my children and her foundation as well. My family is so well taken care of, we are so blessed to live where we live and to have so many amazing people surrounding us. I know there is a reason we are living here at this time. We truly were guided here by powers on high and I could not be happier than I am right now. I am excited for what lies ahead. I know it will be difficult and I know that Michelle will be right there beside me in all that I do. I expect her to mess with me from time to time as she did here while she was alive and I welcome it. As the Alan Jackson song "Sissy's Song" states, "Don't worry 'bout me", I know Michelle is in the loving arms of so many that have gone before her, she loved and was loved by so many, thank you for everything that everyone has done. Love to all!

Michelle's obituary

This will also be printed in the Deseret News and Salt lake Tribune Tuesday May 18

Michelle Langston Bancroft (January 22, 1981 - May 18, 2009) Sign Guest Book

We say good bye to a loving Mother, Wife, Daughter and Friend as Michelle has been called back to the loving arms of her Heavenly Father. Michelle succumbed to a three year long courageous battle with cancer. Michelle fought a hard fight without complaining or asking why she was forced to go through any of the pain and suffering that she endured. She was born on January 22, 1981 in Salt Lake City and she passed away on May 18, 2009 in Saratoga Springs.
She is survived by her devoted husband, three young children, mother, father, brother and sister along with several nieces and nephews. Michelle touched the lives of so many throughout the country as many read about her struggles and triumphs on her blog. Although leaving a void in our lives she will never be forgotten as we know we are joined with her together for eternity. Our sincerest heartfelt thanks goes out to the staff of many Doctors and nurses that provided her such incredible care at Huntsman cancer institute through several surgeries and treatments.
Michelle’s family asks that in lieu of flowers, contributions be made to an account in her name at Zion’s First National Bank where half will be contributed to her children and the other half to a cancer foundation in her name. Memorial services will be as follows:
Funeral services will be held Thursday, May 21, 2009 at 11:00 a.m. at the Saratoga Springs Stake Center, 587 South Saratoga Road. Family and friends may call Wednesday, May 20, 2009 from 6-8:00 p.m. at Wing Mortuary, 118 East Main, Lehi and Thursday morning from 9:30-10:30 a.m. at the Stake Center. Interment, Lehi City Cemetery. Online guest book at wingmortuary.com.