It's been a while since I've posted. Probably a good thing. I am doing pretty well. I got sick with a cold this weekend, which makes me wonder why I go out in public at all. I guess it could have been Brooklyn bringing it home, too. Who knows. All I know is when I get a cold, it hits me extra hard. All my glands are already swollen, so they get super sensitive. Yuck. I am feeling much better today though. I have a busy weekend coming up. We are celebrating Brooklyn's 7th birthday and she has invited 16 girls over. It's gonna get crazy here!
I am feeling pretty good most of the time. It hits me mostly at night. I feel tired and my neck aches. I am still making it through my days. I don't have all the energy I am used to yet, but I am trying to be patient. I've been wanting to go through some cluttered areas in my house, but again, either the drive isn't there, or my energy is still low. Not sure. I do have an unexplained weight loss, which makes me a little nervous. I feel like I am constantly eating and constantly hungry. We aren't sure if this is a bad sign or not. Have you ever noticed that a lot of cancer patients are super skinny? I'm not there yet, but still losing. We wonder if it is the treatment still working in my body or if that has worked its way through my system yet. I guess I have some questions to ask. Also this weekend I got scared because the tumor on my rib started hurting really bad. To the point where it hurt to breathe. Now I think it was related to my cold for some reason. It only hurt when I was sickest. Now that I am feeling better, it's not hurting more than it used to. My body is weird.
I am so grateful for all the help these past weeks! For all the meals and service in my behalf. Everyone is so genuine and caring!
Oh, last week I met with a lady from the burn unit up at UofU Hospital. She was so sweet. One of my nurses from my last hospital stay set it up. I had told him that there is no support group for me up at Huntsman, and he mentioned this lady. We have two totally different situations, but it seemed to work. We both have struggled and are struggling through some similar situations, fear of going out in public, and dealing with kids through hospital stays and all their emotions. She made me feel good about myself and helped me know that I am a strong woman! I usually have good days, self esteem wise, but there are also days I don't want to go out of the house. On my good days, I don't notice anyone looking at me weird (mostly kids look), but on bad days, I think everyone is looking. My head gets kinda messed up sometimes. I know it is Satan trying to pull me down and make me feel bad about myself, and you know what, sometimes it works, but I pull myself right back on top again.
This whole thing has been such a struggle for me and my family, but I know that we are so much closer for it. We have reminders all the time of everything we have been through. They aired a documentary on PBS last night about Justin's Marine group that went to Iraq and how hard it is for them to adjust back to life in the states after. It focused on four guys that Justin knew very well. It was hard to watch because we know that they are all struggling. We did extensive interviews years ago for this documentary, but the director decided to go a different way. We were in the film for a short second (Justin, Brooklyn and I were at the park swinging Brooklyn) and pics of Justin in group shots. It was neat to see, but also sad.
Any ways, I've dragged on long enough. I'm sure I'll post pics of Brooklyn's party and celebrations after this weekend!