Doctor's Appointment

So, yesterday I went up to Huntsman to meet with my reconstruction dr, Dr. Hunt. I brought up our theory about the spot by my rib. He thought it was worth checking into. We did two needle biopsies. The first was superficial, so they did it again even deeper. OUCH! I think he hit a nerve when Dr. Layfield did it! It still hurts this morning. They both came back looking like scar tissue. I will get the final on that probably tomorrow. So, Dr. Hunt decided to pull up my PET scan from a couple months ago and look into it. He came back and told me there was muscle between the spot on my rib and the scar tissue from the tumor five years ago. Not related at all. So our theory is now out the window and I am sitting in the exact same position I was anyways.
While I was being curious, I asked if he could get the results of my CT scan from Friday. (I wasn't supposed to get results till next Wed with Dr. Akereley) He pulled it up and started reading it. He said they now found 4 new spots in my right lung all 5mm or smaller. The PET scan only showed one 3.5mm 7 weeks earlier. Man that spread fast! Am I getting scared yet, oh yeah. So, after telling Justin, my parents and family (not everyone as it is hard to tell) I went for a girls night with some high school friends!
I desperately needed to get away and not think about it. But on the way home, it was quiet and of course that's when you start to think about things. I got about 5 minutes from home and called Justin and told him I needed a priesthood blessing. We both ended up getting one and were very comforted in our time of despair. I was losing faith fast up till the blessing. We had a long discussion about trials before hand. Let's just say that I now know that the Lord is aware of what I am going through. I know He is always there. We were both made some pretty strong promises and had all doubts dispelled. We were told that angels are around us and keeping doubts out of this house. The spirit was sooo strong. There was no denying it. It's been a while since I've had a blessing. It feels like I've done everything else I can think of. We went to the temple on Saturday night and I fasted two meals on Sunday just trying to get an answer on what I am supposed to do.
To me it is clear now. My choice is pretty much made up, unless my doc tries to talk me out of it, but I feel that I will do the Interlukin II. The one with the most hopital time, but the best outcome.
It's crazy how your perspectives change really quickly. Yesterday morning I was thinking maybe this cancer wasn't as bad as we were thinking it is, and now it's all of a sudden worse that we thought. I can't help but think back to one of my first appointments up at Huntsman with Dr. Bentz. He said the first place the cancer would most likely go if it spread would be to my lungs. Of course we did a chest CT then and it came back clear.
I am just thinking about how precious life is and wondering how much time I will have with my babies. They are everything to me. I will NEVER give up and stop fighting. But if I am playing tug of war with God, we all know who wins. If it's my time, there's nothing I can do, but I will FIGHT as long as it takes!!! I hope it says a lot about my fight by subjecting myself to 7-10 days in the hospital at a time. I am still not sure of how I will be feeling when I will be there. I will let you know how my appointment goes next week when we decide when and where and all the info on my next step of treatments. Until then...